Friday, March 19, 2010

Day 19 - Gaining Perspective

In the blur of the last few days, I admit that I have not been reading much of anything. I still cry big and ugly at times. But I have also been getting more sleep. And the time between the ugly cries is spacing apart at least in millimeters. After more sleep than I've gotten all week, I woke up this morning feeling a little numb. The sharp pains that were gripping me even last night are, at least for the moment, a numb pain like the headache left after a sharp migraine. I am trying to put this all in perspective - and I realize it's so early, so new to be trying to do that. But as much as I hurt today, when I think about all the people out there who have experienced a loss so much greater than my own, it helps me. When I read about people who have lost so much, yet they managed to turn to God in their grief, it gives me hope. When I read about people whose lives were changed by loss, who perhaps a few years later are now experiencing joy again, it gives me hope. This is not the end. This is only the beginning of something else. The morning will come. The sun will shine. The birds will sing. And there will be joy again. Unfortunately, that doesn't make today hurt any less. In my hurt today, I will try to trust. I will try to believe. I will try to hope. Happiness is still a choice, even if today I have to look harder to find the things to rejoice in.

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