Thursday, March 6, 2014

Hickory Dickory Dock

I can't stand the watch aisle at department stores. It's as if some maniacal elf sneaks in there and sets every watch one minute apart, so that on the hour at every hour alarms will beep one after the other in a continuous chorus of repetitive beeping.

Repetitive beeping noises make me a little batty. Like the cars that beep when you haven't fastened your seat belt. I have family members who know this little quirk of mine, and so intentionally leave their seat belt unbuckled until I'm threatening to jump out of a moving vehicle in an attempt to escape.

It's not just the beeping that drives me crazy though. I got a new analog alarm clock when I first went off to college. I thought it was going to be so cool. Until I couldn't sleep because of the tick tock of the second hand making it's rotation. It made me feel like the mouse running up and down the clock all the night long.

To say I am a light sleeper is an understatement. I once woke in the wee hours and couldn't figure out why my roommate would be showering. My anger subsided only about ten minutes later when I realized that the water I heard was nothing but a rain shower.

I don't often wear a watch, mostly because the batteries die and then I never get them replaced. I was recently gifted a watch, which by the way I like and enjoy wearing. The problem is that even if I have left the watch on a table across the room, the simple tick tick tock of the watch's second hand has the ability to wake me up in the dead middle of the night.

I typically wear earplugs to go to go to sleep, but they fall out and then the mechanisms of that watch taunt me until I wake. As a result, the watch has been banished to spend it's nights in a drawer in the bathroom. Far away from my sleeping ears.

The problem with my aversion to clocks is that I can't always control the clock situation when I'm staying at someone else's house. I have been known to physically remove clocks from a room, just to get some sleep.  If for some reason I can't remove the offending clock, and if I forget my earplugs, it's game over.  I am bound to be up half the night cursing the man who invented the clock.

So if you happen ask me to be your house guest, don't be alarmed if the next morning you find your precious antique bedside clock relocated to the hall table. Or the wall clock now resting on the bathroom counter. It's no a comment on your decor. I promise.

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